My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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