U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
