Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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