Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
