would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
