What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize