I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
