I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
