my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
