she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
