the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
