Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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