I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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