she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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