He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
