it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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