Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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