When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
