we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
