I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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