So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
