Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
