I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
