Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
