If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
