When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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