Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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