take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
