You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
