Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
