it's not cheating when I paid for it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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