i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
