I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize