I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
