I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
