he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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