just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
