hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
