My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
