So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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