I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
