I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't motorboat a personality
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
