sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize