can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
