He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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