If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
