Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
