i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
