I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
