now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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