I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How external is "for external use only"?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
