im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
