Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
