bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
