there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
