you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
