so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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