Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
