she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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