So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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