you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
