Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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