Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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