I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
