I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
