It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
