Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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