does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize