Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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