I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
