dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
