I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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