We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
