i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
