he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
