So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
