Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
