A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
