She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
