i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
