i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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